Intuneric | Book app for iPhone and iPad

(June 6. Late evening)

The deep blue of the water caused a chilling excitement. Hands tenaciously held on to the railing of the bridge. The toes of the shoes hung slightly over the waiting abyss. Taking a deep breath, I looked down again. I was filled with strange sensations. It was as if "something" below was watching me. Nietzsche wrote the truth. “If you look into the abyss for a long time, the abyss will look back.” Is there something that hides in the darkness, in reality? If so, then I imagine how worthless I look now, clinging to the life that I consciously decided to end. Death scares me. But at the same time, I strive for it. Why? Why is this needed? I dont feel alive. Every time I tried to find my place, the world seemed to pull me out of its womb. And no. This is not a weakness. Only those who have a great desire ... to live can decide on such an outcome. We want to exist in an ideal world where you will not experience pain, regret, disappointment, hunger, cold, oppression of society. And, faced with the realities of life, you will fail. Im not talking about parody murders of teenagers, not about various idiots pushing fragile children to death, not about an emotional impulse, not about mental illness. Inner emptiness. Thats whats really scary. This is a state when you cease to exist not only physically, but also morally. The only way out of it is death. Closing my eyes, I imagined how her clawed paws, freeing each of my fingers, brought me closer to the inevitable. Hands slipped. The last breath escaped me.